How to Predict When Harry Kane is Going to Take a Dive

Spurs, Spurs are falling apart, again!

No one, not even Spurs fans, got overly excited when they managed to keep Harry Kane and won their opening three games of the season. With the Lilywhite half of North London already looking destined for a mid-table finish, their woes are looking worse with the fact that wantaway striker Harry Kane has had his quietest start to a season in what must be forever.

Kane Needs a Penalty to Kick-Start His Season

The England captain appears to be in a bit of a slump, having yet to register a single goal or assists so far this Premier League campaign. Granted, he has scored for England and bagged a couple for Tottenham in UEFA’s brand new Pound Shop version of the Europa League. However, it’s Premier League performances that prospective buyers will look to in January. Kane, therefore, needs to get his numbers up - and fast!

The best way to do that? Take a dive and bag a penalty of course - he’s English, so he gets away with it!

With that in mind, we’ve taken a look at the top five signs that tell you Harry Kane is about to take a dive!

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1. When he’s guiding Tottenham to another spectacular mid-table finish

Ever since the post-Potch regression, it has become an increasingly depressing sight to see one of the world’s best strikers wasting away his peak years at Spurs. It’s little wonder he needs to throw in the odd dive here and there in order to try and bump his numbers up!

"THEY'RE A MID-TABLE TEAM!" Dejected Tottenham fan believes Harry Kane will be off this summer

2. When he’s showing off his best moves to the bosses at City

Following on from the above - Kane needs out! 

His dream move to City might not have come off in the end during the summer. However, with Pep’s lack of a striker proving to be a blatant setback following Man City’s 0-0 home draw against Southampton on Wednesday, Kane will be keener than ever to show the City hierarchy that he has the goals they need to pip Chelsea and Liverpool to the title (sorry Man United fans, you’re not included in this - you can check out why Man U won’t win the title here!).

Man City could launch January move for Harry Kane as summer transfer details emerge - news today

3. When he’s trying to show off more than Jack Grealish

Kane must spend a lot of time asking the world how and why Jack Grealish got his £100million City move when he didn’t. Grealish loves a face plant as well - but Kane’s got more chance of taking a tumble in the box!

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4. When he’s just realised that he’s about to have another trophyless season

Everybody knows that Spurs are going to continue their time-honored tradition of winning f**k-all - other than the “we finished above Arsenal again” trophy. It’s highly likely that Daniel Levy’s resolve will hold out through the January transfer window. Should that happen and Kane is still with Spurs towards the end of the season, we could see him give up and start throwing himself to the floor in a state of utter despair.

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5. When he realises Son Heun-Min is a better player

The English media might think that Kane is one of the best players in the world, but deep down we all know the truth - he’s not even the best player at Tottenham! Son is faster, tricker, just as clinical, and - most importantly - always plays with a beaming smile on his face.

 What’s not to love? Unless your name is Harry Kane of course…